I’ve got this week and next week off and what better way to spend my time than to search the galaxy for new anomalies. Well it turns out I didn’t have to look further than the end of my driveway. Since I was the first to discover it I get to name it and classify it.
- Name: Garage 052306CG90240
- Characteristics: Exhibits behavior similar to black holes. Instead of attracting matter indiscriminantly, Garage 052306CG90240 targets household items that have been abandoned with the hope of being utilized again one day.
- Example items discovered inside anomaly: unused weight bench from 1972 and empty cardboard boxes that reached over 3m high when stacked on top of each other.
- Course of action: Retrieve items whose hope of further utilization has expired and send those items to one of two anomalies, Garbage 55GALGREY or Salvation Army 90241JUNK.
- Expected outcome: The junk collection abilities of Garage 052306CG90240 will be abated for the foreseeable future. Reduction of matter in the anomaly will allow deployment of foosball table and mini-javelin board.
Hint: If you didn’t get it I started cleaning out my garage so I could play foosball and darts at my graduation party. That was much more concise but not as nerdy or fun.
Also note I used metrics which scientists use to make themselves look important. I personally measure all distances using nailweeks, the cummulative length my 20 fingernails and toenails grow in one week which is approximately equal to 3.5 inches or 26.67 cm for the rest of you scientists.