At politician school you learn two things: find a legitimate problem and then create a dumb solution that doesn't address the actual problem. Firearm laws are a great example of this.

The new hands-free cell phone law is also a perfect example. There's two components to talking on a hand held cell phone: holding the phone to the side of your face and carrying out a conversation. The politician looks at this situation and sees two possibilities: make it illegal to hold a phone in your hand while driving or make it illegal to have conversations while driving. If I put my stupid politician hat on I immediately realize that holding a phone to your head drastically increases the risk of an accident and for the sake of public safety it must be stopped.

Removing the stupid politician hat I understand that my knee jerk reaction might not be valid and requires further investigation. Maybe scientists have done research into this problem area?

• Cell Phone Users Drive 'Blind'; Study Explains Why Hands-Free Phones Just As Bad As Hand-held
• Cognitive Psychologists Show Conversations Lower Visual Abilities
• Passengers, Not Just Mobile Phones, Contribute To Road Accidents

Hmmm how about that? It is quite possible that holding a conversation makes up most of the increase of collision risk.

When I look at the situation and use common sense I come to the conclusion that to have any noticeable effect on collisions all activities that distract a driver have to be made illegal, not just using a hand held cell phone. Here's a short list:

• Participating in any conversation
• Listening to the radio/music/talk radio
• Looking at billboards, bumper stickers, license plate frames or any other advertisements
• Consuming food or beverages
• Applying makeup
• Driving with one hand (manual transmission drivers would have a 3 second period between shifts to place both hands back on the wheel)
• Driving while holding any object
• Sneezing/Coughing/Yawning/Sleeping/Farting/Barfing/Laughing/Stretching/Waving/Smiling/Thinking

Okay I'm just kidding. Kind of. To spite the new law I might just drive around with a banana held up to my head blaring "Ring ring ring, banana phone" over my stereo. If it is illegal to talk on a phone in your hand surely I would get pulled over for doing the same with a piece of fresh fruit.